Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Money, money,money ooh aaahh

I have never been wealthy, but I have always been able to afford my rent, car payments etc. I even had a savings account many ages ago. I have never been poor either: never had to go without a meal, always had a roof over my head etc. So money was not a factor in my 'comfortable' life until....

This journey has made things less than comfortable for me (financially). I never thought I had to decide whether I should buy new pants, because I look like a hobo, or have 2 more studio sessions. I never thought I would be looking at (body) lotions prices and seeing which one is cheaper lol.

I have had some people ask me why I don't approach a label or a sponsour or find a rich sugar daddy... Okay, maybe the not the sugar daddy, but you get what I'm saying.The reason I used up all my savings, gotten a loan etc is because this is my journey. I have a very specific vision for how I want things to be and I don't want any interference so early in the process.

A few years ago when I was just starting out. I met a guy who wanted to help me out. Lets call him D. Bagerry. So D. Bagerry had all the right connections and was musically inclined and he had a business on the side and he was a from a wealthy family AND he was a know-it-all. I was so glad that someone was offering help, because I really didn't know where to start. Alarm bells started going off when he suggested I change my name. He said all the worlds biggest stars had names that were easy to say and something about the number of syllables or some crack pot B.S.

I said no to the name change and we moved on. Before I knew it he had written songs for me that were not really what I had in mind for myself. I couldn't write songs, so I thought I'd give it a try. When I failed to be who he wanted me to be he accused me of being a crappy singer and demanded everything back. I was so hurt because all I was looking for was a little bit of help and validation... Which was the problem.

I wanted someone to hold my hand and show me how things worked. Instead I got D.Bagerry and egg on my face. So on we moved and eventually learned how to write songs etc. The moral of the story is: no matter how great the intention is. As soon as somebody has put money into something, they want to give their opinion and input. And in most cases they will expect you to make those changes.

I reserve the right to tell people to EFF off if they try to tell me how to realise my vision. I am the one wearing old jeans, putting on cheap lotion and buying my greens at fruit and veg city... Therefore I am the one who has the last say. On the surface it may seem like 'money' stuff, but its really me taking ownership of my destiny. For now I will be juggling finances, putting a hold on Veuve and sushi days and be checking prices of lotion.

I sleep better knowing that whether my album makes it or bombs, it was my OWN.