I'm not sure Snow Patrol meant it the way it happened today?! I have been so distracted lately (not sure how to explain it, so I wont) and been repressing a lot of feelings because 'tough girls don't cry' right? Wrong! This morning I got out of my car and went into my office.
A few minutes later I get a call from reception saying my car 'has rolled into the sea'... I kid you not. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I went outside to go and sea my car 'in the sea'. I work right by the promenade so it could have been true. As it turns out I got out of my car without putting the hand brake up. WTF? My car started rolling into the main road and the homeless people that see me all the time pushed back into the road where it was parked and put bricks in front of the wheel to stop it from going 'into the sea'.
If that isn't a sign I don;t know what is. I got out of my car, which I always park on this 'incline' (Cape Town is one big incline) and I didn't put my hand brake up. THANK GOD for those people that pushed my car out of the main road. I shudder to think what might have happened if they weren't there.
So I'm working through those emotions as I type, because I know that it will only get worse... I've been here before and I really did myself serious harm the last time. So this time I'm going to deal with it.
Chasing cars indeed!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The day I decided to fulfil my destiny
It was earlier this year and I 'found Estelle' (or maybe she found me- whatever, so not important). The reason I say that is because I had just heard John Legend had just 'started up' his own label (Home School records) and I thought 'Yes, finally... I know that is where I'm headed'... Idealistic Carol, I had no plan but I knew that was where I was going to end up.
On my search I 'found' Estelle: the first lady of 'Homeschool'. I had no idea who she was so I went looking for her music... Not sure why, but I did it anyway. That when I found her MySpace page, if you go there please listen to 'Hey Girl'. That was the first song I listened to and I started bawling. I'M SUCH A CRY BABY!!! I cried for a good hour.
At the time I had just started a new job and it wasn't what I wanted (making music), but I had to pay 'the bills' so I HAD to stay. My soul was so 'unsettled' but the bills were paid. I heard Ms Estelle and her voice spoke to me. The song has nothing to do with me or my situation but I was so touched. Weird? now that I think about it: NO!!
I was crying because somehow by looking at Estelle I knew that following your dreams was what we should all be doing. She showed me that it was possible. I played the song over and over again. If you look, you'll see that it has been played about 18088 times. That must be mostly me HA HA HA HA HA!! Anyway so I decided to dedicate this post to the women who have made a difference and truly INSPIRED... You all know who you are:
India Arie: She brought Brown skin 'back' and I am eternally grateful and she stayed true to herself, obviously not the average girl from the video.
Lebo Mashile: She listened to her soul and 'televised' the revolution...
Billie Holiday: God bless the child is one of the greatest songs ever written. When I grow up I want my voice to have the raw emotion that Lady Day's voice had.
Letta Mbulu: The first time I heard 'there's music in the air' I fell in love with the song and have continued to be inspired by the South African singers of that time (you don't have to be naked to be beautiful ladies)
On my search I 'found' Estelle: the first lady of 'Homeschool'. I had no idea who she was so I went looking for her music... Not sure why, but I did it anyway. That when I found her MySpace page, if you go there please listen to 'Hey Girl'. That was the first song I listened to and I started bawling. I'M SUCH A CRY BABY!!! I cried for a good hour.
At the time I had just started a new job and it wasn't what I wanted (making music), but I had to pay 'the bills' so I HAD to stay. My soul was so 'unsettled' but the bills were paid. I heard Ms Estelle and her voice spoke to me. The song has nothing to do with me or my situation but I was so touched. Weird? now that I think about it: NO!!
I was crying because somehow by looking at Estelle I knew that following your dreams was what we should all be doing. She showed me that it was possible. I played the song over and over again. If you look, you'll see that it has been played about 18088 times. That must be mostly me HA HA HA HA HA!! Anyway so I decided to dedicate this post to the women who have made a difference and truly INSPIRED... You all know who you are:
My mommy (a phenomenal woman)
My EVERYTHING!!! This goes for the rest of my friends, I just don't have pics of you guys on my PC (Steve, Phiwi, Zoe, AK, Vuyo, Tea, Mthi, Julz, Bobo, Nix, Tae... there are too many of you)
Estelle: The lady who inspired the post and the beginning of my journey (pic's from her MSpace page)
India Arie: She brought Brown skin 'back' and I am eternally grateful and she stayed true to herself, obviously not the average girl from the video.
Lebo Mashile: She listened to her soul and 'televised' the revolution...
Billie Holiday: God bless the child is one of the greatest songs ever written. When I grow up I want my voice to have the raw emotion that Lady Day's voice had.
Letta Mbulu: The first time I heard 'there's music in the air' I fell in love with the song and have continued to be inspired by the South African singers of that time (you don't have to be naked to be beautiful ladies)
Maya Angelou: I am humbled every time I hear this woman speak. She is phenomenal :)
Okay... I have so many more women I want to put up here. So I will put up more of the women that have helped me get here. Some of them don't even know that they are doing it and others are doing it by loving me :)
THANK YOU LADIES.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Not an ideal Friday night
I'm sitting here listening to this song (see below)... Oh Robin Thicke!!! I know it's not an ideal Friday evening song, but I have to be up at 04:30 for work. So a glass of wine, Robin Thicke and my work is as good as it gets and IT'S PRETTY DAMN GOOD RIGHT NOW.
There is something so 'pure' about this song. It's not 'laced' with too many unnecessary effects, it just is and it Thicke's vocals do what singer should: move the listener. I'm moved into his state of mind. For me there is nothing greater than a believable song and singer.
He looks much better with the short hair.
There is something so 'pure' about this song. It's not 'laced' with too many unnecessary effects, it just is and it Thicke's vocals do what singer should: move the listener. I'm moved into his state of mind. For me there is nothing greater than a believable song and singer.
He looks much better with the short hair.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
My sense of humour fails me
So what does it mean to have a sense of humour? I asked myself this as I watched this clip of Snoop Dogg being (I say this with a little hesitation) funny. I'd like to think of myself as a person with a sense of humour. In order to understand what humour truly is I looked up it's meaning on one of these online dictionaries (HALELUYER). I looked at a few definitions and finally settled on this one . Please watch the clip below and then I will continue...
What did you notice right away, besides the colourful language? Uhmmm... How about how when he spoke about the women he 'attacked their sexuality'? When he spoke about the guys he spoke about their personalities or the way they looked. I was waiting for him to say something like that woman with dark glasses 'looking like a ghetto-fabulous fly' or something. But 'some hoe'?? No, I had not anticipated that.
At first I was alarmed by what he was saying and I thought 'this is not funny anymore'. As I was about to stop the clip, I thought 'hang on, these women are laughing'. These females were laughing at what the man was saying, so SURELY it had to be OKAY? Not only were they laughing at themselves, but the other women in the audience were laughing too.
So who was I supposed to be mad at? Snoop Dogg for choosing to attack women's sexuality (and in such a vulgar manner)? I mean how do I compare being called 'Ice Age' to being called a whore? How do I even start to compare the two? OR was I supposed to be mad at the women who were laughing and in turn sending a message to men and young girls that 'it's okay to be spoken to like that'?
In this months 'True Love' (ha ha ha ha) Lebo Mashile writes about something similar and she points out that Beyonce's mother was the person who 'clothed' her for most of her career and that Kelly Khumalo's first manager was a woman. I guess the point that I'm trying to make here is that it's not just men that are 'dehumanising' and 'over-sexualising' women. We, women, also play a part in this and we need to look at what we are allowing to be done to us. If one of those women had gotten up and walked off stage (which would have no doubt been seen as 'uncool' or 'overREACTting') or even NOT LAUGHED, it would have sent a message that saying things like that is UNACCEPTABLE'.
For as long as we keep laughing at these 'funny jokes' or accepting that nudity means success, men will keep thinking it's okay to throw money at our 'money makers' and then turn around and throw insults at the very money makers that brought them into the world.
Okay so now you're thinking that I'm being too sensitive and that it was all meant in jest. but I believe it was Shakespeare (not sure which play, it could have been king Lear) who said something along the lines of 'jesters do oft prove prophets'... Some there is some truth in the 'jesting' of Snoop Dogg in that clip. Look past the 'humour' and you'll see what the state of affairs really is and the truth of our society.
Nuff said...
P.S I am fully aware of the fact that the post below about the B&$#% on the scooter may be contradictory, but I am learning each day to be a better woman (AND taking responsibility for the part that I play in the state of affairs)... That's why I am sharing my journey with you :)
What did you notice right away, besides the colourful language? Uhmmm... How about how when he spoke about the women he 'attacked their sexuality'? When he spoke about the guys he spoke about their personalities or the way they looked. I was waiting for him to say something like that woman with dark glasses 'looking like a ghetto-fabulous fly' or something. But 'some hoe'?? No, I had not anticipated that.
At first I was alarmed by what he was saying and I thought 'this is not funny anymore'. As I was about to stop the clip, I thought 'hang on, these women are laughing'. These females were laughing at what the man was saying, so SURELY it had to be OKAY? Not only were they laughing at themselves, but the other women in the audience were laughing too.
So who was I supposed to be mad at? Snoop Dogg for choosing to attack women's sexuality (and in such a vulgar manner)? I mean how do I compare being called 'Ice Age' to being called a whore? How do I even start to compare the two? OR was I supposed to be mad at the women who were laughing and in turn sending a message to men and young girls that 'it's okay to be spoken to like that'?
In this months 'True Love' (ha ha ha ha) Lebo Mashile writes about something similar and she points out that Beyonce's mother was the person who 'clothed' her for most of her career and that Kelly Khumalo's first manager was a woman. I guess the point that I'm trying to make here is that it's not just men that are 'dehumanising' and 'over-sexualising' women. We, women, also play a part in this and we need to look at what we are allowing to be done to us. If one of those women had gotten up and walked off stage (which would have no doubt been seen as 'uncool' or 'overREACTting') or even NOT LAUGHED, it would have sent a message that saying things like that is UNACCEPTABLE'.
For as long as we keep laughing at these 'funny jokes' or accepting that nudity means success, men will keep thinking it's okay to throw money at our 'money makers' and then turn around and throw insults at the very money makers that brought them into the world.
Okay so now you're thinking that I'm being too sensitive and that it was all meant in jest. but I believe it was Shakespeare (not sure which play, it could have been king Lear) who said something along the lines of 'jesters do oft prove prophets'... Some there is some truth in the 'jesting' of Snoop Dogg in that clip. Look past the 'humour' and you'll see what the state of affairs really is and the truth of our society.
Nuff said...
P.S I am fully aware of the fact that the post below about the B&$#% on the scooter may be contradictory, but I am learning each day to be a better woman (AND taking responsibility for the part that I play in the state of affairs)... That's why I am sharing my journey with you :)
Monday, August 13, 2007
To the B*^%H on the scooter
Okay... I am not one to get pissed for a really long time. I feel the emotion for what it's worth in that moment and then move on to the next moment. But there is this feeling of anger that I just can't seem to shake. So I thought I would vent publicly (maybe that will make it go away).
On Saturday as I was driving back home from work, at about 10 am-ish, I was thinking 'Thank goodness I'm a more confident driver now and I am more aware on the roads'. Yay me! gave myself a pat on the shoulder and carried on humming to the wonderful music that was on Radio 2000 (shameless advertising) when all of a sudden some CRAZY B&^%H on a scooter makes a very risky U-turn into the lane next to mine and I carry on driving thinking 'That crazy fool is looking for trouble.' Something made me look at her miserable little face and I noticed her beady eyes darting from my lane to hers.
I thought to myself 'I KNOW she is NOT going to try and squeeze in when she can clearly see that there is no space.' Clearly I gave her too much credit because with the speed of lightning she cut infront of me AND THEN.......
SHE STOPPED ABRUPTLY AND INDICATED!!!! My first thought was NOT to slam on the brakes and kill that STUPID STUPID woman. But... Sanity quickly prevailed, I checked my mirror and quickly swerved like Schumi. I then did the polite thing: hooted and shouted 'Are you crazy you BEEP BEEP BEEP I should have BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...."
I am very against any kind of violence, but at that moment I think I really lost my mind. I could have seriously hurt that woman and myself. It took me at least an hour to calm down after the incident. I wasn't angry because she cut in front of me. I was angry because she is not the only person on the road and she has no right to behave like it. She could have not only hurt herself, but me and Marcee who was in the car with me.
My driving instructor once said that 'driving is not the problem, it's that you have other people's lives in your hands and you have to be alert all the time. It's all fine to be cute and try to be a little daredevil but think about the people whose lives you are endangering.
WHAT HAS REALLY PISSED YOU OFF ON THE ROAD LATELY and WHY?
Now, I'm not saying that road rage is fine, not at all! Violence is just uncool, but I'm curious to find out what has you saying 'EY YOU BEEP BEEP BEEP!' on the roads.
On Saturday as I was driving back home from work, at about 10 am-ish, I was thinking 'Thank goodness I'm a more confident driver now and I am more aware on the roads'. Yay me! gave myself a pat on the shoulder and carried on humming to the wonderful music that was on Radio 2000 (shameless advertising) when all of a sudden some CRAZY B&^%H on a scooter makes a very risky U-turn into the lane next to mine and I carry on driving thinking 'That crazy fool is looking for trouble.' Something made me look at her miserable little face and I noticed her beady eyes darting from my lane to hers.
I thought to myself 'I KNOW she is NOT going to try and squeeze in when she can clearly see that there is no space.' Clearly I gave her too much credit because with the speed of lightning she cut infront of me AND THEN.......
SHE STOPPED ABRUPTLY AND INDICATED!!!! My first thought was NOT to slam on the brakes and kill that STUPID STUPID woman. But... Sanity quickly prevailed, I checked my mirror and quickly swerved like Schumi. I then did the polite thing: hooted and shouted 'Are you crazy you BEEP BEEP BEEP I should have BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...."
I am very against any kind of violence, but at that moment I think I really lost my mind. I could have seriously hurt that woman and myself. It took me at least an hour to calm down after the incident. I wasn't angry because she cut in front of me. I was angry because she is not the only person on the road and she has no right to behave like it. She could have not only hurt herself, but me and Marcee who was in the car with me.
My driving instructor once said that 'driving is not the problem, it's that you have other people's lives in your hands and you have to be alert all the time. It's all fine to be cute and try to be a little daredevil but think about the people whose lives you are endangering.
WHAT HAS REALLY PISSED YOU OFF ON THE ROAD LATELY and WHY?
Now, I'm not saying that road rage is fine, not at all! Violence is just uncool, but I'm curious to find out what has you saying 'EY YOU BEEP BEEP BEEP!' on the roads.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Dirty work toilets
Okay that's it! I've had it. I've had it. I've had it with DIRTY STINKY toilets at work. There is only one clean toilet where I work and it's way up on the 5th floor (or there is also the on one the second floor).
You know we spend a lot of time at work. You think it wouldn't be asking for too much to have clean toilets. It's not like I can hold it in all day and even if I do, I still have to sit in traffic on my way home so I will have burst bladder before I even get home. And why should I even have to 'keep it in' when there are toilets at work?
How do I handle this situation? I mean it's appalling. I might be exaggerating a bit, but that's only because I'm tired of walking into disgusting toilets. They are not as bad as I'm making them out to be, but they aren't exactly the toilets at the Arabella Sheraton. Every other place that I've ever worked at had decent toilets, but these ones... I have no words.
Are the toilets where you work 'usable', 'nasty' or 'Arabella Sheraton-like'?
You know we spend a lot of time at work. You think it wouldn't be asking for too much to have clean toilets. It's not like I can hold it in all day and even if I do, I still have to sit in traffic on my way home so I will have burst bladder before I even get home. And why should I even have to 'keep it in' when there are toilets at work?
How do I handle this situation? I mean it's appalling. I might be exaggerating a bit, but that's only because I'm tired of walking into disgusting toilets. They are not as bad as I'm making them out to be, but they aren't exactly the toilets at the Arabella Sheraton. Every other place that I've ever worked at had decent toilets, but these ones... I have no words.
Are the toilets where you work 'usable', 'nasty' or 'Arabella Sheraton-like'?
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Ugly Carol...
Doesn't sound as good as Ugly Betty. OMG I am SOOO in love with Ugly Betty. It's the best things since Heroes. I would have said Grey Anatomy but the second season didn't sit well with me. Maybe I should wait till I've watched ALL the episodes.
Anyway... Ugly Betty is a little cruel, but it's fun cruelty. All about a girl from Queens who tries to fit into the cruel and sometimes scandalous world of FASHION!! Okay I know my little description is not doing the show justice, but it really is great! Trust me. I also absolutely fell in loove with Betty Suarez. I can totally relate on some level with the character. Although I don't have braces and a Scottish friend. I guess I would be the Soweto version of 'Ugly Betty'... UGLY CAROL. I can see it now, me working for Elle ha ha ha ha.
Which Ugly Betty character do you think you are most like?
Below are pics of 'Betty Suarez' and America Ferrera, who are obviously the same person. Pretty girl neh?
Anyway... Ugly Betty is a little cruel, but it's fun cruelty. All about a girl from Queens who tries to fit into the cruel and sometimes scandalous world of FASHION!! Okay I know my little description is not doing the show justice, but it really is great! Trust me. I also absolutely fell in loove with Betty Suarez. I can totally relate on some level with the character. Although I don't have braces and a Scottish friend. I guess I would be the Soweto version of 'Ugly Betty'... UGLY CAROL. I can see it now, me working for Elle ha ha ha ha.
Which Ugly Betty character do you think you are most like?
Below are pics of 'Betty Suarez' and America Ferrera, who are obviously the same person. Pretty girl neh?
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Soap and the cooter....
I just spent the better half of this evening talking about Va-jay-jays, periods, men and 'booty calls'. This is to be expected when you put a couple of women in a room, with snacks and alcohol. I love talking to women, it makes me feel sane. Sometimes when I'm by myself I tend to think that I'm a little weird/different. But when I am with other women, I find that I am NOT so different after all.
I heard today for the first time that soap id bad for your cooter/Va-jay-jay. There is apparently something called Vaginal soap. Yo.... You live and you learn my people.
Is it true that soap is bad for your Va-jay-jay? Cause then mine must be VERY sick, cause I makes sure that I get enough soap EVERY DAY!!! Somebody tell me the truth or what you've heard.
Quick update:
First thing is first, I totally disown the part of me that has neglected this blog. I have been SUPER busy lately. Now that I'm producing during the week and hosting the Saturday show things have been a little more than hectic, but I'm happy! Happy that I have a job that pays and makes me me happy SOME times ha ha ha.
I have decided to atop drinking for a month, was cool till today. I had one glass of wine and a Hunters dry... I say not too bad for a woman who used to have 2 glasses of wine or whiskey every night. I am proud of myself!!
Nuff said...
I heard today for the first time that soap id bad for your cooter/Va-jay-jay. There is apparently something called Vaginal soap. Yo.... You live and you learn my people.
Is it true that soap is bad for your Va-jay-jay? Cause then mine must be VERY sick, cause I makes sure that I get enough soap EVERY DAY!!! Somebody tell me the truth or what you've heard.
Quick update:
First thing is first, I totally disown the part of me that has neglected this blog. I have been SUPER busy lately. Now that I'm producing during the week and hosting the Saturday show things have been a little more than hectic, but I'm happy! Happy that I have a job that pays and makes me me happy SOME times ha ha ha.
I have decided to atop drinking for a month, was cool till today. I had one glass of wine and a Hunters dry... I say not too bad for a woman who used to have 2 glasses of wine or whiskey every night. I am proud of myself!!
Nuff said...
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