Oh goodness, there is only a day left of 24. Did I do everything I set out to achieve almost a year ago? I don't think I'm ready for 25- it's 5 years away from 30. That's really scary!
I remember when I was 17, 25 seemed so grown up. And now that I'm a day away from it, I'm not so sure that it is. I mean, yes I pay bills, live far away from my parents (even though it's a 2 hour flight from Cape Town to Jozi), live by myself (albeit in a tiny bachelor with my best pal in the whole world), have a savings account, working on starting an NPO, writing a book, working on a self-funded EP and reading 'The 10-day MBA' (which is turning out to be fun). I still feel like an 18 year old girl just trying to figure the world out.
Do we ever really stop trying to figure the world out? Is there actually an age where people stop 'looking for answers' and just live in the moment. Just experiencing life and feeling the emotion and experience as they hit you? Maybe not.
I must admit that I have noticed one thing though: I am less critical of myself. I used to be very not-nice to myself in my teens. I really didn't care much for me, my feelings or my dreams. I was too wrapped up in what other people thought of me and getting them to like me. What I didn't know was that people already liked me but because I didn't, I couldn't see it in other people. I once heard someone say that whatever we can see in others or in the word, we already have in us. Once I started seeing the beauty in me, I began seeing it in other people and the world around me.
That isn't to say that I have learnt everything I need to. I woke up ridiculously early this morning and started reading the latest copy of O magazine (I would like to be the editor of that magazine one day- please hold me to it!) and there was an article in there about Yolanda Cuba, CEO of the Mvela Group, who is one of the youngest CEO's of a public company. The article was about believing in yourself enough to ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. That is something that a lot of women, present company included, struggle with. I really have a hard time asking for exactly what I want, which is weird because I have been described as 'bolshy' (something which I wasn't happy about) and as having 'balls of steel' (another description which makes me cringe).
So in my 25th year I am going to work on asking for exactly what I want. I think I have already started doing it because 4 days ago I did something VERY SCARY. It was a form of asking for what I want and realising that I deserve more. It's too soon for me to talk about it. I'm still enjoying keeping it to myself.
Wow, this pre-birthday post has gone on for too long. Goodbye 24, Hello 25!!!
Me and the wonderful 2 people who contributed to who I am: my Ma and Pa (that's what I call them). I LOVE them :)
Posts
