On my way home I was listening to my Common CD: It's your world (from the 'Be' album), I sat in my car for a while after parking it and just listened to the song. Then I had a Christina (from greys Anatomy) moment: I started bawling and couldn't stop. I sat there for a good 30 minutes and CRIED. The whole time I kept thinking 'great, I'm finally falling apart!' One of my worst fears is losing my mind, so you can imagine how scared I was. I finally called Marcee, because I was SOOO scared that I would NEVER stop crying. She was in town so she came home and sat in the car with me (while I cried some more).
I'm getting to the part about WHY I was crying. Well near the end of the song there are these kids that are saying what they want to be when they grow up. I used to be one of those kids. I once wanted to be a... Well I was one of those kids that wanted to be EVERYTHING (I had no idea that I could make music for a living back then, but I still LOVED music). How many of us actually get to be Fire-fighters, ninjas, vets or any of that stuff? Why do we 'forget' or give up on all that. Oaky, maybe the kid who wanted to be a Ninja found out he had arthritis or whatever *LOL*
But at that moment in the car I REALISED that I had 'given up' on ME. I had given up on the girl who can make the music, the girl who FEELS and KNOWS the music. The reason why it takes so long for me to make music is because I don't have any faith in MYSELF!! I was crying because I had lost the little girl in me who BELIEVED that she could do it (whatever 'it' may be). When I eventually stopped crying I looked at my best friend and said to her 'YOU are SOMEBODY! You deserve to BEcome the person you KNEW you COULD be when you were little." Below is what 'Pops' says at the end of the track (don't balme if it's not 100% correct, I got it from here):
Be, be here, be there, be that, be this
Be grateful for life, be grateful to life
Be gleeful everyday, for being the best swimmer among 500,000
Be-nign, be you, be mom's mean pie, be little black sambo With bad hair
Be aware of what a lynch is, Be, be boundless energy
Be a four star ghetto general, be no one except I
Be a strong academic student, be an A student in sociology
Be food for thought to the growing mind, be the author of your own horoscope
Be invited, be long-living, be forgiving, be not forgetful
Be a proud run, only to return to fight another day
Be peaceful if possible, but justice in ways (?)
Be high when you low, be on time but knowing to go
Be cautious of the road to college, taking a detour through Vietnam or the middle east
Be absent of wars at any past or present fought amongst themselves
Be visual of foreclosure over your shoulder while begging
A nation built on free labor for reparation, Be a cartopogropher
Be a map maker, be able to find afro-american man
search thoroughly it may be close to black man
Be ammended 5/5ths, be ammended 5/5ths human
Be the owner of more land than is set aside for wild life
Be cupid, to world government
Be found among the truth, lost tribe
Be at full strength when walking through the valley
Be not foolish as tender 18 of the mountain tops
Be a brilliant soul, sparkling in the galaxy while walking on earth
Be loved by God as much as God loved Ghandi and Martin Luther King
Be that last one of 144,000, be the resident of that twelfth house
Be....eternal!
Who says Hip Hop isn't deep? ha ha ha ha ha! It made me cry dammit! I'm still feeling a little emotional, but I think that is just the 'sick-Ms Porcelain-cry-baby' thing.
Can crying too much make you sick? Because I have a killer headache and I just want to sleep. So, goodnight!
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