Where the eff did Tuesday go?

I just woke up from my 'sick person' sleep and realised that Tuesday is GONE!! It is now Wednesday. sob sob sob! The plan was to take a nap and wake up later but...

It's after midnight, SABC 1 is playing RUBBISH music, my throat and chest hurt, I have day job stuff to do and I didn't get to work on my music because Tuesday decided to leave without informing me. I'm helluva grumpy now. I really really need to find a way to make time for my music. If I'm going to become a full time muso at some stage it needs to happen in this lifetime. It's not like the day job pays loads of money. Why couldn't my destiny be something like being a doctor? Why did it have to be something that requires so much out of me. I'm thankful for my gift, I really am... But I'm not feeling so wonderful today.

Cheerful me is still sleeping, thinking that she will wake up at about 21:00 (on Tuesday) and get some work done. Grumpy me is awake, has access to my blog and needs to 'off load' a bit. I wonder how cheerful the other girl will be when she wakes up at 06:00 on Tuesday? I pity anyone that has to work with her later.

My apologies for complaining so much. It's been coming for a while, but I'm one of those 'automatic smile' people. 'Automatic smile' is sort of like 'Auto pilot': when things get a little too much, I shut down and smile until I feel like I can deal with it. A part of me wants to scream 'Help, I'm not dealing' but I never do. Note to self: please learn how to say when crash land, instead of going into 'automatic smile' all the time. Nobody likes a winy Ms Porcelain anyway.

I guess it's time to start seriously thinking of another alternative. I'm a journ graduate with some 'marketing' experience, surely I can find something that does not need my attention ALL the time. I'm a freelancer dammit! I'm not supposed to be working 7 days a week on ONE job. I need my music, I don't know how to cope otherwise. How the hell am I gonna start playing 'gigs' if I have no effing time to scratch my effing arse? I think I better leave before 'grumpy me' turns into 'monster me'.

Better make the best of Wednesday before this B*%$h disappears as well. Sigh...